Stephen was stoned to death. He trusted in God completely, even as he was being falsely accused, he trusted in God and he still lost his life.
My husband preached about Stephen a few Sundays ago and I’ve been thinking about our own family, our own trials, our own suffering, how certain areas of disability impact us and how often I cry out to God to help me, to help our family.
“Trusting in God in the midst of trial does not mean everything will work out. It means that by trusting we have peace, even if the worst case scenario happens. Trust in the midst of trial is a result of a Spirit filled life.” – Andy Stumbo
And here is a confession, so often I cry out to God in despair because I want Him to fix things! I cry out to him because I don’t want the worst case scenario, I don’t want the hard, I don’t want the messy. I want the peace, oh I want the peace! But I want the peace to come because then everything is okay, like, really okay.
But it’s not.
My middle daughter is 8 years old and has Cerebral Palsy. We adopted her from Ukraine when she was almost 4 years old, which means she carries with her 4 years without a family. Parenting a child from a hard place is one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do.
There have been times in my parenting journey that have wrecked me. I’m incredibly thankful for pediatricians and therapists who give their time. Therapists that are brave enough to say to me, “Ellen, you need to do neurofeedback too, you need a counselor to help you process all the hurt that you’re experiencing.”
And we have wonderful friends that have been praying for our family. Oh we are so thankful for the prayers!
As a parent, I always want to make things better for my children. I wish I could magically take away all their pain, hurt, and fear. But I can’t.
Sometimes I look back at the hard times we have had as a family and feel terrified to be there again. Terrified that once more I will feel hopeless because I cannot help my children..
But life is messy. So messy.
And what if we end up here again. What about when we end up here again.
I want to trust God, but I want it to mean this is all behind us. However, God never promised to take our problems away, he did not promise prosperity and blissful joy. He promised trials, because life is messy,
“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world” John 16:33 NLT
That is not what trusting in God means, and I needed to hear that as my husband preached:
“Trusting in God in the midst of trial does not mean everything will work out. It means that by trusting we have peace, even if the worst case scenario happens. Trust in the midst of trial is a result of a Spirit filled life.” – Andy Stumbo
So we can make a plan for emergency situations. We have people helping us invest in our marriage too so that we can be stronger when these challenges come our way.
We need peace.
Not peace that everything will be okay, but peace that surpasses all understanding. The peace that only comes when life feels like it is falling apart, yet you know who you belong to, and you know He’s with you till the end.
I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid. John 14:27 NLT
Yes, a peace this world cannot offer, because it is a peace that is not dependent on circumstances, on whether our life is going well or falling apart. And that is exactly the peace I want, the peace I need.
I don’t know what your messy looks like, but may you find God’s peace in the midst of life.
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Needed to read this. Our son with CP is 9 and has been having a very hard and emotional last couple of months also (makes me wonder if there’s a seasonal component?) Such a blessing to feel connected not only to our loving Savior, but to other moms whose life with and love for their kids is as crazy-messy as mine. Would do anything and everything for him, but at the same time have such an urge to hide under the covers…
Ellen, I hear you. Even when the crisis of the moment is past, you wonder what the future will bring. Has anyone done any study concerning how adolescence interacts with all these issues? ?I am praying for you, and for you to find the right resources.
Hmmm, not sure if they have. But it is something I have brought up to her therapist, as in, “What will we do when she is a teenager!”
We also are in a hard and messy place with our 11 yr old daughter. She became ours at age 4 after much trauma and neglect. She came to us with global developmental delays and has made so much progress but the trauma from the past keeps resurfacing. She suffers anxiety and is in danger of becoming agoraphobic. School is getting so hard as she struggles academically and physically to keep up. Plus the friendship dramas and subtle exclusion … I relate to much of what you say and I find support in your posts. Family and friends see my daughter as an amazing success story and they love her dearly but they dont see or acknowledge the hard. I may tell them she is still awake at 10.30 each night and crying that she hates herself because she is so dumb and stupid – they will suggest stricter bedtime routines! Or if we are out they will say she looks moody and sulky even though I have told them she is anxious in public and has just had to rush to the toilet because of stomach pains and nausea. It is not pleasant hearing of Nina’s struggles but it helps us to know we are not alone. Thank you.
No, you are not alone. We get the same negative self talk too. Anxiety is high at this moment too. Praying for your family!
Ditto to the above comment: would do anything for my boy but also feel like hiding under the covers!! It is definitely the season, we are on the rough road at the moment too, living from each moment of peace to the next to get us through. Snatches of normality and peace, any offerings accepted thanks!
Good luck to all other amazing parents out there too x
Jenni, praying for your son and your family!