My oldest was two years old when I discovered the vastness of expectations I had placed on her. A discovery brought to light with the birth of her baby sister, who greeted us with an extra chromosome, a diagnosis of Down syndrome. A baby that without warning challenged the same expectations her big sister had been fulfilling.

 The day of Nichole’s birth, a flame of expectations was snuffed away before I had a chance to enjoy its warmth or light. I breathed in the dark smoke left behind and stumbled in the darkness.

Instead of expectations, I had questions, because I had no idea what our future would hold, no idea of what to expect. Would she ever get married or have a job? Would she live with us forever? Would she have friends? With the intoxicating fumes from the blown out flame, I wrongly believed her life would be defined by limitations.

Once home from the hospital, the book, What to Expect the First Year, mocked me as it lay on my bedside table. I had visions of chucking the thing: it slowly spins in the air, it crashes through the window, glass shatters as the book makes its way out of my house. Forever. Maybe it gets run over by a car.

Instead, I never touched it again until the day I stuffed it in a box labeled “Goodwill.” I laughed at the title, I mean, why is it that we have so many expectations for our kids the moment they are born?

And thankfully, I soon learned that Down syndrome was not what defined my baby. First of all she was a baby, and she was beautiful, and she was mine! I loved her with a fierceness I didn’t even know was possible to have. With a rich, abundant, unending love.

I used to have – by the book – expectations for my children, I didn’t know any better, but now I know it’s unrealistic. Someone needs to take  a look at these baby books an rewrite them, because these are the only expectations that I should have had:

Expect love, because you’ll be ambushed by love.

Expect that love to grow and grow each day.

Expect to love so fiercely that you would die for your child if you had to.

Expect to be smitten and find the first giggle to be more valuable than a paycheck. You’ll do outrageous stuff to hear it again!

Expect change, you’ll become a different person, because once you’re a parent you can never go back to the old you.

Expect to challenge the world if you have to on behalf of your child.

Expect to sing songs, even if you cannot carry a tune.

Expect tears, because raising children is hard!

Expect to have a messy house, it happens, it’s okay.

Expect smiles, because children have a way of lighting up your world.

Expect to give so much, because you want to, and because your child is worth everything you can give.

Expect joy, because there is no greater joy than that of being a parent.

And expect to have someone else own your heart, and not have it any other way.

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