A gift
Every test Nichole had at the hospital came back negative. Yet, one test would lead to other tests, as her blood work continued to show abnormal liver activity. During the following days, as we waited for Nichole’s several tests to be done, I became obsessed with...
I choose love
The doctor pocked and prodded Nichole. His forehead scrunched, and through the stethoscope he listened intently at Nichole’s belly. He examined the color of her skin and double-checked the daily blood results piled on his desk. Nichole was only 2 weeks old, and her...
A parent’s unconditional love, or more than I can handle?
Pumping quickly became a time where I allowed for my emotions to surface. Eight times a day I was attached to my own machine, unable to move, and able to wallow in my sadness. Many times, while milk poured, so did my tears. At times, I felt as if I was shaking my fist...
In my mother’s arms
As we arrived home, a technician waited for us at the door. She was ready to show us how to use the billi blanket. I had not even walked inside my house, and the large piece of equipment confirmed the fact that my life had changed. I would go inside my house a...
My baby is broken
The hospital felt like a detention center. A detention center of the emotions I was trying to keep down, yet threatened to burst out in a display of fireworks. My mantra, “We belong together” was keeping the fuse unlit. On the other hand, the lack of a pump that had...
Ellen Stumbo writes and speaks about finding beauty in brokenness with gritty honesty and openness. She's passionate about sharing the real – sometimes beautiful and sometimes ugly – aspects of faith, parenting, special needs, and adoption. Ellen’s writing has appeared on Focus on the Family, LifeWay, MomSense, Not Alone, Mamapedia and the Huffington Post.