Life is messy. In the middle of the joy, celebration, and goodness of life there are strokes of pain, loss, heartache, foolish choices, unrealized dreams, and wrecked relationships. I call this brokenness. And I like broken people because broken is real, and there is beauty in brokenness.
I don’t want to pretend that life is perfect. I don’t want to hide behind Christian clichés and say that, “God must have a plan,” “God’s timing is perfect,” “God will carry you through this,” “God works in mysterious ways,” or “God must have allowed it for a reason.” The statements are true, so true. But so is the grief, and the loss, and the pain. Sometimes we feel it so deeply that we wonder if we will be able to face life again, if we will be able to get up, if we can face one more tomorrow.
Relationships break and our world crumbles. Jobs are lost and our security is gone. A poor choice destroys our family. The guilt of sin crushes our heart. Loved ones are lost and we cry out, why! We feel broken. So broken.
And that’s where I want to meet you. I want to sit across from you and hear about the mess. I want to know your story and what has brought you to where you are at. I want to know what breaks your heart. I want to know your worries, your fears, your challenges.
Don’t change for me, the pastor’s wife. My life isn’t perfect either. I am just as broken. I’ve made mistakes, I’ve been deeply hurt by people I love. It’s part of life.
I want us to share honestly, I want us to find a place where it is okay to be vulnerable. Where you know it’s okay if you swore, that you mentioned you like to drink, or that it breaks your heart that your marriage seems to be failing. It’s okay.
I will listen to you. I will cry with you. I will pray for you. Because I know sometimes it is hard to pray for ourselves, and that is when God brings other people into our lives so they can do the praying for us while we get back up on our feet. And I will tell you that even if you don’t feel God’s presence, He is with you, and He doesn’t let go. And I will celebrate with you when you find redemption, and healing, and peace.
And I want us to have this real relationship. An honest friendship where there is no pretending. Where you can say what is in your heart and I can also share what is in mine. We are not meant to do life alone, we were meant to do life together.
Let’s put away the perfect and let’s embrace the broken. Let’s do it at church, especially at church. It’s time for real relationships.
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Ellen, I love your concluding thought: “Let’s do it at church, especially at church.” I yearn so much for that — and it seldom happens. Thanks for letting me know I’m not the only one!
Yes Peter, especially at church. The place where we should be okay to be the most broken and vulnerable is often the place where we feel we have to pretend the most.
I love the way you write; my thoughts exactly. I know it wasn’t an accident I found you today:)
Thank you Donna, I believe we are all desperate for real relationships, especially since social media has changed the way we interact and what we portray.
Ellen – This is my first visit to your blog. I need to know that there is someone out there who is praying for me, for I feel so alone. I am in the midst of such turmoil right now, with two prodigal adult daughters who are making choices which are destroying the family. Please pray, please pray, please pray that they are brought back to the Lord, that their immoral lifestyles and relationships quickly come to an end, and that my depression and anxiety and panic and fear are alleviate and replaced with God’s peace. Amen.
Valerie, you got it, I am praying right now. Here is my email ellen at ellenstumbo dot com
I’ve discovered that broken people are my favorite to be with. Thank you for writing.
Me too 🙂
I’ve been reading over your site, a post someone shared on fb caught my attention, and I followed the link to your website. I am so glad that I did… I, too, have two special needs children. My daughter was born nearly 19 years ago with a very rare, very deadly metabolic disease. My son came along three years later, and by his third birthday, he was diagnosed with Autism. All those years I was also a member o f a small church. In the last two years, my entire life fell apart, and despite my brokenness being fairly public knowledge, not one person from the church stepped in and asked if I was ok or reached out in any way to me. In the one place where love and healing were supposed to take place, the absence of it was like a life sucking vaccuum. I was crushed and what felt like left for dead. I long for the warmth of a good church, where I can come to study the word of my God, where I can commune with his other children. I am currently living in a limbo, trying to just survive from day to day, trying to keep my feet under me, trying to once again find a stability in a chaos that has not let up in over three years. Some days I wonder if it ever will.. But I appreciate so much reading your posts and knowing that I am not alone in these struggles.
Leslie, I will be praying for you and your family. One of my big passions is to see the church embrace disability, and that includes embracing the parents. I am so sorry that nobody has reached out, it makes me so sad for you and so many in situations similar to yours. Sending you big hugs and know I am praying!