The eyes are a wonderful gift. They give us the ability to express our feelings of love…acceptance…hope…fear..anger…and much more without a single word.

David Duncan

I’ve been reading adoption books lately, and something that keeps coming up is making eye contact. A common advice is, “When you talk to your adopted kid, try to make eye contact.” This encourages attention, communication, and affection. Makes sense.

But this got me thinking, do I make eye contact with my kids throughout the day? I mean, do I really stop what I am doing when they talk to me and actually look at them? Do I give them my undivided attention, full communication, and the simple gesture that shows them that I care about what they have to say or the treasures they bring to me?

It happens often, my eyes are on the screen and one of the girls asks a question. I respond, typing away, never once looking up. Maybe it happens while I am reading a book, making dinner, or getting ready in the morning.

Sometimes I am too caught up in my activities.

“Mom!” Ellie runs into my room. I suspect she is smiling because of the excitement in her voice, but I really don’t look at her face, I am too busy folding laundry.

“Mom, I rearranged my room, want to come see?”

“In a minute sweetheart, let me finish folding and I will be right there.” I say this, without really looking at her, just a quick glance.

“Okay.” She sighs and walks away.

I do go to her room after I’m done. I tell her I love the spot she created so she can sit down and read. I agree with her, it looks so cozy. She’s proud of her new arrangement, and she loves that I respond like it was a big, exciting deal.

However, is it possible I squashed her excitement in a small way when I failed to fully engage? When I did not take the few seconds to make eye contact with her, giving her my full attention? Couldn’t I have offered a smile back and a wink, letting her know it would just be a few more minutes?

Maybe I am the one that needs some training to make eye contact. Maybe, in my interactions with my children, I have forgotten to look at them when they talk to me.

I want to see them! Time flows by too quickly, and I cannot stop time.  I want to take it all in, every moment I can. I want to look into their eyes and let them know I care about what they have to say, I am fully engaged with them, and I see them.