The short answer is:
They are NOT always happy!
Trust me!
My daughter is not always happy. She experiences a wide range of emotions. She gets mad, frustrated, annoyed, happy, joyful, and everything in between. She is stubborn too. She is a FULL person.
Sometimes, when my daughter is throwing a fit, she runs to her room and throws herself on her bed (or the floor). My husband and I have joked about taping her throwing a fit, and titling it, “People with Down syndrome are always happy.” But then again, we respect her enough to know that would not be appropriate, and it would not be treating her with dignity and respect. I can imagine how hurt she would be knowing we had shared a video of her throwing a fit.
Actually, I don’t know of any human being that goes through life being “always happy.” Yes, some people have a more positive outlook in life, and perhaps some people with Down syndrome fall under that category: being friendly, offering a smile, being upbeat around other people, having a good time and enjoying life. But make no mistake, even the happiest person experiences sadness, loss, frustration, and anger.
And I have yet to meet someone with Down syndrome who is always happy. And I know a lot of people with Down syndrome!
When my daughter was born, some people offered comfort over her diagnosis saying, “At least she will always be happy.” Like that was the one positive thing about her diagnosis. Obviously, these were not comments coming from people who actually knew someone with Down syndrome, and certainly not from family members of someone who has Down syndrome. Actually, those comments were not encouraging, because I wanted my daughter to experience a full range of emotions, to be someone I could relate to. And she is, she is a much a person as I am and every other human walking on this earth.
In our personal experience the highs are high (not just happiness, but joyfulness) and the lows are low (not just sadness but something resembling devastation).
Overall, however, if you asked me if my daughter is a happy person, I would tell you, “Well yes, she is a pretty happy girl.” But here is the thing, I would tell you the same thing about my oldest daughter, or my husband, or my nephew, or my closest friend.
Happiness is just ONE of the many feelings we experience in life.
People with Down syndrome experience every single emotion you and I do. All of them. Thank goodness for that!
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Absolutely agree. People with down syndrome are just like you and me. They may appear to others as happy because they so desperately want to be accepted. Many times they aren’t.
My son who is an adult now continues to amaze me at how intelligent he is, but when around strangers he withdraws and becomes timid and afraid to speak, because the words might come out wrong. But he understands all about God and can read and pray. Has a better heart than a lot of people I have known. He would never be cruel to others as others have done to him. Maybe we should do an icebucket challenge as to how to cure the gene that cause this disability. Everyone just accepts it and thinks nothing can be done. I believe differently. It is a lifelong road for the parents and the person born this way.
How old is your son? I wonder, sometimes, if when our kids were born makes a difference. For some older adults, parents had little support, and I do believe things were considerably harder when raising a child with Down syndrome. Now a days, however, as parents, we have a lot more resources and support. I would say that disability is a normal part of life, and I don’t find myself thinking I want my daughter “cured” form Down syndrome. It is a part of who she is, and it is a part of her that I love.
Our son Chess is 31 years old now, and we thought the same thing as young parents back 31 years ago how much more we had then the people that proceeded us. Saying that someone with Down Syndrome is always happy is like any other stereotype. You hit the nail on the head with the range of emotions. Chess lives almost 600 miles away from us on his own and works two jobs with an amazing social life. The issue we always heard back all those years ago was “one day more.” Parents would say God let me just live one day more than my child so I am sure they are always taken care of. We only wanted for Chess to be fulfilled and live his own life. Be careful what you wish for, dreams do come true! He is amazing and living a very full life filled with Happy and sometimes sad.
Thanks for writing this. Our son, Andres (4), gets angry and sad and frustrated. Although he is generally a “happy kid,” he is quite capable of the full range of emotions. I think it’s been very beneficial that he has an older brother (10) and sister (8) who treat him like a “normal” kid, which includes the the typical sibling love and rivalry. 🙂
When my daughter was born 40 years ago a nurse walked into my room and patted my leg and told me about her neighbor who had a son with DS and he was ” always happy”. That was the one positive thing said to me by health care workers. Over the past 40 years I’ve found that, of course, the “always happy” is a stereotype that’s hard to shake. I also have a 38 yr old son who is “normal” and both of my children are abuse survivors. It has been a devastating journey over the last 30 years as I’ve had to deal with the resulting mental health issues for my children, depression, PTSD, drug abuse etc. I am telling you this because here is where the “happy” connection comes in. My son’s life has spiraled out of control, he refuses to get treatment and is in a homeless shelter as I write this. My daughter with DS started recovering her memories a little over a decade ago. She went from a life loving, happy go lucky young woman with DS, high functioning into a downward spiral almost overnight. I got her into therapy, onto antidepressants and it’s been an uphill struggle. She is very guarded with people now, no longer hugs, had to leave her job for one in a sheltered environment. This is what she says to me sometimes, “Mom, I just want to be HAPPY again”. She is so strong, a fighter, I am amazed by her every day. Life happens to people with Down Syndrome just like the rest of us, they are not immune to the cruelties of this world. We all just want to be happy.
I remember some of the meltdowns my son had…..no…..he is not ALWAYS happy…….but most of the time he is goofy…..