Before having kids with disabilities, I was not aware about my interactions around people with disabilities. When our friends’ daughter was born with Down syndrome, I said some things that were ignorant and showed how little I knew about people with disabilities. I did not know what to say or not to say or how to act.
In today’s podcast episode, Erin and I talk about disability etiquette when interacting with kids with disabilities and their families.
The freebie this week is a disability etiquette guide.
You know how sometimes you wish you could talk to people about how to treat your child or what things are OK or not OK to say? This is a guide you can print out and hand out to your church, school, daycare, and even family members if you need to. So make sure you get your own copy of the Disability Etiquette for Interacting With Kids With Disabilities and Their Families
One more thing, Erin and I talk about how sometimes we don’t even get it right. We say this because we do not want anyone to feel as if they can never get it right. It is possible many of us don’t. The point is, we are learning, and we want to be sensitive and respectful of children (and adults) with disabilities.
Listen to the show:
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Disability etiquette:
- Don’t push a child in a wheelchair without asking the child first and wait for consent.
- Don’t touch a child without asking the child first, and wait for consent. Don’t pat their head either, it is condescending.
- Talk to the child with a disability, not their parent or the person they are with.
- All forms of communication are acceptable and valid. Everyone communicates.
- Do not ask for personal medical information and do not share that information unless there is consent.
- Don’t make negative comments about the child or their disability in front of the child.
- Always presume competence.
- Talk to kids with disabilities in age appropriate ways. No baby talk.
- If you want to pray ask, “How can I pray for you” rather than, “Can I pray for [your disability]” Most people with disabilities are not looking for healing, but acceptance.
- Do not use generalizations. “If you know one person with autism, you know one person with autism.”
- Use preferred language by the person with a disability. If unsure, use people first language. Consider preferred language used by the disability community (adults).
- Avoid “high functioning’ and “low functioning” labels.
- No unsolicited advice.
- No staring.
- No parent shaming for their choices.
Don’t forget the freebie:
Disability Etiquette for Interacting With Kids With Disabilities and Their Families
I am not able to retrieve a copy of The Etiquette handout. It just keeps taking me to fill out my e-mail and name page even though I already did that. Then it takes me to the Thank you page.
Cathy, check your email! If you don;t see it in your main inbox, it might be in your spam folder.
Your podcast with Erin was really wonderful. You both show great empathy and understanding of persons with disabilities (though as a person with limited mobility due to my muscular dystrophy, in many ways I am not disabled, but rather enabled!). Thank you for your love and grace above all.
I so agree with ALL of them. I am an UNEXCEPTIONAL MOM and my daughter is 27 years old. The one that stood out to me is the TOUCHING! She has exceptionally curly hair and it seems to me what people want to touch all the time. Oddly enough, she seems to enjoy her head being scratched or maybe she is just smiling to say, “REALLY, your messing up my hair, AGAIN” But she does smile when people mention or touch her hair. She is non-verbal and wheelchair bound, but she does express herself in her own style.
I can’t say what an honor and a blessing it has been in my life to be her Mom. She has touched so many lives and continues to do so today. Thanks for the clips. I look forward to the next one.
#3 and #13. Yes.
Thank you for this excellent information, shared in transparency and grace.
I think this is a great list. My guys are very social and sometimes very obvious with their differences – we’ve had very frank and open discussions in Walmart and Kroger about appropriate touching. But it was usually one of my guys doing the touching to say “hi” to all the strangers they can see 😀
I’ve had lots of the other kinds of interactions too, though. It weighs on you, as a parent, feeling like there’s not enough time to advocate to all the folks who need it. 😉
The email link sent me to a survival guide not an etiquette guide.
Amanda, check your spam! If you got a welcome email with a link to the survival guide you should have the etiquette guide. If you cannot find it, let me know can I will make sure to get it to you.
Same. I completed the information requested to receive the disability etiquette guide, instead received the survival guide. I did check my spam folder before message you and it is not in there either. Thank you!
Carrie, sent it directly to your inbox just a moment ago 🙂
I unfortunately experience #3 quite often and this tip was very helpful on how to respond to others.
I also did not receive the etiquette guide nor is it in my spam box.
Thank you
Just sent it to your email.
I also am trying to get the etiquette guide. The email link only sent me the survival guide. Thank you!! Awesome podcast.
Jen, just sent it to you.
This is a great list. Thank you. I work with a young man who has CP and is non-verbal. Recently an aid on the playground came up to us and asked me what he “can do.” I was taken by surprise and didn’t really know what to say. When I didn’t respond right away, he got more specific, asking if he could talk, walk or hold items. All of the answers are no. He asked if he could think and I said he could and that he was very smart. Do you have any suggestions for me to handle these situations better? Also, other kids sometimes ask me questions about him, such as, “Can he walk?” “How old is he?” “Does he go to the bathroom?” etc. Any suggestions would be wonderful.
I would first of all ask the parents how they want you to respond. Best case scenario, the parents come and educate. If he has a communication device, then he can answer the questions.