There is a Starbucks at my local Target. It makes me happy. Shopping and a cup of Spiced Caramel Cider are a perfect combination, although I think this particular drink goes perfectly with just about anything I do.

I walked in with the mission to get my drink and absolutely NO shopping! As I entered the store, I had a clear view of the shoe section, where I saw my friend Denise.

“Hi Denise, are you getting some shoes?” I said.

“Yes.” She said, “For Ms. Wheelchair Wisconsin.”

“It’s coming up in a few weeks.” Rick said. Rick is my friend’s fiancee.

The nice Target lady came over with a pair of black shoes with silver specs and handed them to Denise.

“What do you think?” Denise said.

“I like them.” I said, “What color is your dress?”

“I’m not wearing a dress, I’m weari-”

“She’s wearing a nice shirt and black pants.” Target lady said.

“Okay. What color is your shirt, what does it look like?”

“It’s a black dress shirt, and in the midd-”

“Her shirt has a ruffle in the middle with some silver accents.” Target lady said.

“Well I think the shoes will look lovely.” I said.

“They are the shoes-”

“These are the shoes we found that fit her.” Target lady said.

“I need them to be wide so they don’t hurt m-”

“She can only wear certain type of shoes, but these seemed to fit very nicely on her.” Target lady said.

At this point Denise looked at me and said, “Do you want to go get a coffee so we can talk?”

“Yes, yes please, I came here to get some deliciousness.”

I’ve known Denise for several months, her and Rick come to our church. Our church is a church that believes that “Each person is given something to do that shows who God is: Everyone gets in on it, everyone benefits.” 1 Corinthians 10:5 (The Message). I’m proud of our church, people with disabilities serve along side abled-bodied people, everyone is welcome and we recognize we all have unique gifts and talents. Denise once told me she found “home” when she started coming to our church, nobody treated her like the woman with a disability, she was just Denise.

Rick, Denise and I sat at the Target Cafe tables as we shared drinks and talked.

“My shirt does not have a ruffle,” she said.

I was not surprised about that.

My friend Denise is the type of friend who calls you or texts you when you need encouragement, she’s a life coach, and she has a lot to offer, but we had not yet had the chance to talk in depth about our lives. I learned about her life, her past, her experiences. I also discovered she’s fluent in American Sign Language when I expressed I wanted to start using it again to help my daughter, who has Down syndrome, as she struggles with communication.

“This is how you sign ‘I love my family’” She said as she taught me the fours signs, “But sign language grammar is not like English grammar, you don’t sign every word.”

“This is how you sign sweetheart” She said, “So you can tell Andy.”

I tried to copy her movements, “No, ignore my right hand,” she said laughing, “It doesn’t like to move the way I want it to.”

Although Denise’s hand movements were a bit awkward for some of the signs she taught me, she compensated by telling me verbally how the sign should look.

“You want both hands to do the same motion.” She said, “Put your fingers together like an H.”

But what happened to Denise with the Target lady is not unusual for her. Denise’s speech is affected by her cerebral palsy. Her speech is slower and more labored, but she is not hard to understand. She just talks different. I was bothered by how the Target lady kept interrupting, but I know this is not an isolated experience for my friend. Everywhere she goes, people measure her capabilities and who she is based on her speech and her wheelchair. Sadly, most people who encounter the Denises in this world do not presume competence but rather the opposite.

I cannot imagine living in a world where people judge me based on my limitations. A world where I am not given a chance because people have already made assumptions (and wrong assumptions) about me.

My friend Denise is a beautiful, intelligent, eloquent woman. Her speech for Ms. Wheelchair Wisconsin is going to challenge every person in attendance, she will knock it out of the park. (Denise, we have to get it on tape and share it!)

But here is the thing, I should not have to give a list of my friend’s qualification as a human being, because she is a human being and she should be treated as one. Basically, if it is rude to interrupt people when they are speaking, it means it is rude to interrupt the person talking, even if they struggle with their speech. If it would be inappropriate to talk to your coworker like a little child, then it is just as inappropriate to talk to an adult with a disability like a little child.

So I asked my friend Denise, what would you want people to know about how to treat you? And she said: Don’t anticipate what you think “we” will say. Let us say what we have to say and if you still have trouble understanding, then ask us to repeat it. Let us show you how we prefer to communicate. And if the person with the disability is with someone else, still talk to the disabled person directly, we know what we want.

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