Search engine term #1: Are mothers of kids with Down syndrome embarrassed?
Once in a while I like to look at the search engine terms (SETs) that bring people to my website. Some are funny, some are ridiculous, some reflect real pain and loss, some make me wonder the reasoning behind the search, because it could be a result of a crisis or fear.
Are mothers of kids with Down syndrome embarrassed?
I am not offended when people ask a question like this. Not one bit. Why not? Because before my daughter was born with Down syndrome I actually wondered this very thing. Nine years ago our friends had a daughter born with Down syndrome. As their friend, I really struggled with the diagnosis, perhaps because I was pregnant with our first born, and we had so often talked about how our girls would be great friends, being only two months apart in age.
But I thought, “Are they embarrassed? How will they face people and tell them that their daughter has Down syndrome?”
I was terrified to think if that ever happened to us!
Those thoughts and questions flowed from knowing very little about Down syndrome. They were a result of believing the prevalent misconceptions about what the diagnosis meant. I was simply ignorant about what Down syndrome is, what it would mean to their family, how it would change their lives.
When my second daughter was born with Down syndrome two years later, embarrassment was not even in my radar. But there was a lot of fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of what I thought our lives would be like.
Now, fast forward six and a half years. My little rascal is in Kindergarten. Wow!
Embarrassment? Well, I do feel embarrassed when any of my girls act out in public. Most parents do! But embarrassed about her having Down syndrome? Not even close! But here is a word I would use to describe how I feel: PRIDE!
I am so incredibly proud of my daughter, of who she is, of what she has accomplished. I feel great pride pointing her out in a crowd, and telling people she is mine. I feel pride as I see her walk to school, or hug her sisters, or skip around. An immeasurable amount of pride.
And you know what? It keeps growing. Every day I have more reasons to be proud of her.
So are mothers of kids with Down syndrome embarrassed? No my friend, most likely they are bursting with pride…and a measure of love they never knew before!
And if you have any questions about Down syndrome, if you were given a prenatal diagnosis or are a new parent, don’t hesitate to contact me.
If you are a parent of a child with Down syndrome, what words would you use to describe how you feel about your child?
Edited to add: Don’t miss the comments on this post, parents are sharing how they feel towards their kids with Down syndrome.
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Seven years ago when given the diagnosis? Absolute fear. Today? Joy and yes, pride. I am beyond proud of Emily. She is the most precious gift our family has ever been given. She is in Kindergarten and has a huge circle of friends (both typical and “non” typical). Her teachers adore her. Her siblings spoil her. She is just a seven year old beauty queen with a little something extra.
NEVER have I been Embarrassed by Nathaniel!!!! I am extremely PROUD of him! All that he has gone through and still goes through and he has no Hate in him! My Son makes me proud every day!! if anything , I probably embarrass him
We adopted our daughter with Down Syndrome. She was 5 when she came home. I remember taking her out in public for the first time. I wanted to tell everyone “Look! Look at this amazing child. She’s mine!!!” Pride is a wonderful word to describe how I feel about my rascal. She is an incredible child and I am so thankful that I get to be her mother!
I have to admit to being in the same boat as you, Ellen, before we had Caleb. We didn’t know anyone with Down syndrome. Familiar with, chatted with-yes, but didn’t really know what their lives were like. I remember actually feeling sad for the parents-you know, the “burden” and all.
Wow! What a 180 our lives have taken. I feel the same as the two ladies above-nothing but pride and joy about our son, our lives and the road we are on now. Sure, he has his moments, just like our daughter (typical) did, but I’m actually quite proud to let people know Caleb is our son and that yes indeed, he has Down syndrome. Our lives are pretty great 🙂
I’ve never felt embarrassment because of Down syndrome at all. I’ve only felt embarrassed when Owen acts up and like you said, I’m pretty sure most mothers/parents feel that way.
I too am really proud of my son. He’s done some great things in just 5 short years. But more than that, I am happy. I am happy he is my son and that he shows me such wonderful things about life. His diagnosis has connected me with so many wonderful people that I don’t think I would have met otherwise. And I’m happy in general with the life my family is building and it is a good one.
My daughter Kate is 6 years old and she has Down syndrome. I have never felt embarrassment because her extra chromosome. I feel very proud of her and I also feel so much love for her. Kate makes my soul happy!
For me, I was just happy to have a child. We had miscarried twice before our precious daughter was born. We had a prenatal diagnosis and I will never forget my OBGYN letting me cry as long as I needed and then the relieved look on his face when he told us we had the option to abort and I said “absolutely not!”. Of course, I briefly mourned the idea of having “the perfect child” but she is 14 now and I have learned she is perfect because of who she is. Same as my “typical” younger son. I am proud to be her mom and I never hesitate to tell people I have a daughter with Down syndrome. I am proud to be her mom and the only thing about it that is embarrassing to me is that sometimes, I’m not sure I deserve to be her mother.
We as a family have been blessed with Emma. She is the love of all our lives, she has enhanced our family and we all beam with pride over her. No embarrassment, just the opposite. We are so lucky to have been gifted with Emma, her three older brothers adore her, we all do. <3
I can understand why people ask that question. Petra is 4 now. We only found out that she had Down Syndrome when she was 2 weeks old.
And while my reaction was a need to tell EVERYONE (including strangers on the bus), my husband was struck with a terrible fear of forever being different; of people staring at us as a family, and not treating us the same as before.
He certainly got over that. But grieving for the things we imagined we had lost (and that Petra might not do, or have in the future), that feeling of conspicuousness, and maybe some guilt over even feeling that way…well. that’s a lot of deal with.
And then it slowly passes. We would never have done anything differently-even if we had known Petra had Down Syndrome early on).
We are so proud of her. No more embarrassed be her than any of our other 4 children; just on occasion when they throw their weight around in public in a less acceptable way! In a normal way.
All of God’s promises are just as valid for her as for anyone else. He life is just as important. And who am I to be embarrassed by that.
I will sound a bit redundant, but yes PRIDE! Ellie is stubborn. She is tenacious. She does not give up. I wish that I was as determined as her. She is also sassy and a full blown diva. She lets nothing stop her. She has worked harder in the past 4 years of her life than I have in the last 20. How could I not be proud? Do I get embarrassed when she has a full blown temper tantrum in the middle of the grocery store. . . perhaps a little bit but that would be the same of any child of mine. Are there difficult times? Yes. Was there fear in the beginning? Yes. Yet, Ellie’s awesomeness wiped away that fear. More than anything, I am grateful for my little girl 🙂
I have never been embarrassed by my daughter Kayla, she is now 26 yrs old and has taught me so much. I was afraid of so many things when she was young. I would never have believed that she would go to her prom, or college, work, drive or become a motivational speaker. She has surpassed any limited dreams I had for her. I learned not to squash her dreams. Everyday I burst with pride.
Once you get through the fear of the unknowns of the diagnosis, it’s like any other child! I have two children. Haha!! My little one with DS is a super star. We can’t take her through the apt compound or to the church retreat without people flocking to her to get a hug or giggle with her. My chest puffs with pride wishing everyone could have such a joyful, popular, loving daughter! Seriously, her hugs are the greatest!!
We adopted our son, Sam, when he was 4 days old – pride, happiness and excitement are the words of our days ever since then and it has been over 13 yrs already! We never experienced fear, but we did often worry about his own thoughts of himself having Down syndrome. And now? Sam is way more than the extra chromosome and is aware that with a little more time, he succeeds at everything he tries. As parents, we can encourage the world to slow down and look at it through our childrens eyes…and experience the beauty that extra chromosome brings out!
I have 5 kids.. A manager, 2 engineers, a singer and a poet. One of them has Down syndrome . In the end they are who they are and I couldn’t imagine my family being any more perfect.
I agree wholeheartedly – I am proud every day of what my daughter achieves, how she carries herself, how completely selfless she is, how beautiful she is inside and out, how loving and giving she is even to strangers, and wish more people saw life as she does uncomplicated with no need to fall out or fight with people. She lives life to the full and brings sunshine to everyone she meets along the way She isn’t materialistic unlike other kids of her age and I wouldn’t swap her for anything, there should be more people like her in this world.
My son Luke is 16 & I have never been embarrassed by him having DS, he brings joy to everyone that meets him, he is my world & my best friend, I feel embarrassed for the minority of adults that might stare at him at the shops or outings but 99% of people are fine.
I love that all us blogging momma’s are on the same page…I just wrote about what happens when you Google Search Down syndrome…And what I hope people find instead- this post is one of them…
My DS son is now 31 years old! Never one minute have we ever been embarrassed of our wonderful son! He makes us better people and we wouldn’t change a thing about him! H makes life more interesting and full of joy! Thanking God for blessing us and trusting us to do his work in raising his special angel.
Remember that book “Babies with Down Syndrome”? I was given a copy when we got our prenatal diagnosis. In the book there are quotes from parents – one said something to the effect that they hid their baby in a closet when people came to see her and congratulate them. Even then I was shocked. Put the book down and never picked it up again.
I loved my son before he was ever born but had no idea how much he would mean to me once he was here. Over ten years later and now I could not imagine my life without him. Any new mom I meet – I tell her to toss that book and grab a copy of “Gifts”…a much better and more realistic read that will make your heart smile.
This is what I said about my dear K who has DS
http://simplylambchops.blogspot.sg/2014/04/excuse-me-is-she-downs-baby.html
I really enjoy reading your posts. Children with Down syndrome are all unquine in there own way. They are true a blessing from God. Each of them will find there special place in life and there gift from him. All parents really enjoyed them each day and keep a journal with stories in it about them going up and write all the wonderful things they did and their accompli ments in there. And how they have been a blessing to you and others around them through God everyday. Jesus loves them.
There is no room for embarrassment. http://thehaileyherald.blogspot.com/2014/04/am-i-embarassed-by-hailey.html?m=1
I honestly burst with pride when Danny and I are out in public. He is graduating from high school this year. I am so thankful that I have a daughter for a photographer because he is handing his pictures to everyone! Danny has 13 siblings 9 (he’s second to youngest) and they too love to hang out with him even if it’s just a run to the store. In fact, we are all a little over the top proud of him. One of Danny’s sister just gave birth to a little boy. A couple weeks before the birth he said, “Heidi, I hope so bad you have a little girl or boy with Down Syndrome.” We all smiled and honestly we would all have loved that baby even a little more since we now know what would be in store for us. But no, her baby did not have that extra chromosome.
Hi, I have a little girl that is 4 years old with down syndrome. She is amazing,if I knew how much love she was going to bring into our lives I would never have been upset when I found out in my pregnancy. And to describe her in one word would be it would be Angel. And thats why we named her Angel.
You are both beautiful. This made me think of all the challenges I have face and am coming through! I have struggle with depression, low self-esteem, ADD, and having a special needs child. I am doing pretty DARN good, if I do say so myself. But I pray and have faith in God.
I wholeheartedly agree – my daughter is almost 14 and my heart swells with pride daily – what she achieves, how popular she is, how completely and utterly beautiful inside and out she is and how people warm to her so quickly – I have never ever been embarrassed by her –