Perhaps some of us who parent kids with disabilities have snapped, yelled, or given an angry lecture to friends or family, leaving them utterly confused about our behavior. Who can blame them for thinking, “Well that’s the last time I talk to her!” “What’s wrong with him?” “Why the sarcasm? He is so rude!” “Every time I talk to her I’m walking on eggshells!”
Someone googled, “Why are special needs parents hard to get along with.” And well, I don’t blame them for feeling that way… sometimes.
So let me start by saying that yes, sometimes, we are hard to get along with. If you caught us on a bad day, I could see why you turn around and walk away the next time you see us. But that is not the whole story. Yes, sometimes we can be abrasive and rude and sarcastic and hard to get along with — but there is a reason.
You see, so much of the world sees our kids as unlovable, as people without value, as a burden. Even the professionals that are supposed to be on our team can unfortunately communicate that our children’s lives have less meaning, and those messages might even come from the people who are close to us, like family or friends.We feel so alone, but if we don’t fight for our kids then who will?
And we fight, we fight so hard for our children to be included, to be considered, to be given a chance. We are on the defensive, constantly. It’s a battle, a battle that sometimes keeps us up at night, and unfortunately, we have to keep our guard up so often that we forget that there are times when we can put the guard down.
Sometimes we might be hard to get along with. But not always.
I think you would agree that it’s not easy being a parent. Being a parent of a child with a disability feels a little bit more challenging.
Would you extend me some grace and know that I have hard days? Will you be willing to forgive the rudeness and the fight? Some days I feel so vulnerable that ugliness comes out, when really, what I need is a friend, someone that I can talk to, someone that will listen, just listen.
And I need to remember that too. I need to extend that same grace to you, because you do not live a life directly impacted by disability, and I cannot expect you to be at the same place of understanding I am at when this is not your life.
I knew so little about parenting children with disabilities when I started this journey. Actually, I knew so little about being a parent before I became a mother! I am still doing the best I can for all my kids, learning, messing up, some days getting things right. Being a special needs parent is not something that anyone can be prepared for. You just have to live it.
So I am sorry if I have ever offended you, it was not my intention. And I need to remember that as well, that you never intended to be offensive either. If I am hard to get along with, please offer me some grace. I will do the same for you. I know I need to extend the same consideration I want to receive back.
I need your friendship, I need your support. And I like to believe that you need mine too, because this giving and taking is part of friendship.
Let’s do some more grace giving, some more forgiving, some more laughing, some more, “No big deal!”
A postscript: Some people are simply mean and inconsiderate human beings who have no qualms at making derogatory comments. Well then, you had that coming, nobody messes with our kids.
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We’re between a rock and hard spot all the time, aren’t we? This past weekend driving out of town for a school competition, I swore that it would be the very last car ride with my daughter, now 20 years old, because her “discomfort” level is just intolerable to human ears and because it’s dangerous to take her out of the seatbelts to comfort her. I start thinking why we don’t have a van with wheelchair lift and other things that put me in foul mood. By the time I arrived, I really didn’t feel like talking to anyone and these are people with whom I volunteer on different school projects. They are my neighbors and friends. I really didn’t feel like talking to anyone because I was in “that mood” of feeling so inadequate. So I went to THAT wheelchair area at the stadium where I always go with my daughter, our sanctuary so-to-speak, to let go of the tension from the drive. It took me awhile before I felt human again. Before I could be civil to people and appreciate why were there in the first place. If people thought I was being rude for not talking to them when we arrived, I apologize, too. But, if they knew what we had to go through to get there, mainly listening and watching our daughter in discomfort of being out of her chair, I know they would understand.
Oh Elisabeth, we have been there too!
I think the main time I’m rude or short with people is when they give me unsolicited advice or tell me I’m doing something wrong.
It happened last night with my grandmother who told me that using PECS to help my son communicate is lazy and he’ll never talk. It took a lot of restraint to not go off on her (she’s very opinionated about things she doesn’t really know about). I told her in a stern and matter-of-fact voice that she didn’t know what she was talking about and that I and his speech therapists have done the research, and actually it does help because it reduces frustration in the part of both kids and parents. Then spoken communication is more possible.
Ugh! Sorry… I’m still kind of ticked about it.
I just wish people would keep their mouths shut when they have no idea what we are going through!!
My 4th of 5 is 15 years old and has the cognitive level of a preschooler. Sometimes I’m just tired of being *on* all the time. The chipper voice to keep her motivated, the over the top praise to keep her working hard, the constant verbal cues to keep her going… by the time I get anywhere I feel so tapped out. If she has a meltdown, I’m even more done. Like Elisabeth said, if people knew what it takes to get somewhere, they’d understand my meltdowns a little more!
Yesterday, my son had his first practice for Special Olympics Basketball. He is 8. He is severely delayed (stupid word. He’s not delayed. He’s not going to catch up). He is non-verbal and developmentally on the level of a 1 to 2 year old. He has hypotonia (fancy way of saying low tone). He cannot do the drills unassisted. But I was so proud watching him try to throw the ball. And then the coach brought the parents into a meeting about the team. Lo and behold, he won’t be allowed to compete if he can’t do the drills independently. I don’t see it happening in the three months they have before the tournament. He hasn’t been able to throw the ball independently in 8 years. Three months isn’t going to change it. I came home and cried. I mean, all I want is for my child to be included and encouraged to do what he can, and instead I find he will be excluded for what he can’t do, even in Special Olympics, where I thought he would be included. Boy do I get it.
I SO understand! We tried S.O. track because my son loves to run, but because he runs off and they refused to let me run with him, we just quit. It’s so frustrating! There needs to be something else for our kids. We do have a Miracle League baseball here. Do you? Best wishes. Another tired Mom
A big virtual hug to you, Lacynda! I completely get what you’re saying. I hate when I take my son to something geared toward the “disabled” only to find out that he is TOO disabled. The joy that these kids experience in being included is our joy, too…and when they are excluded (especially from a group we expect them to be included in!), their pain and rejection is also ours. I hope they are able to find a way to allow your son to play.
OMG that is Awful!! Why have a ‘special Olympics’ when it’s just another way of leaving someone out. That sucks! I feel like there should be some rule against excluding people this way. It’s just WRONG!!
LOL @ PECS being “Lazy”. We did this with my daughter and it was a ton of work to do properly, but it’s SO worth it, it really encouraged communication and she is now (several years later) fully verbal. This was one piece of the puzzle that helped her so much.
I too get unsolicited advice and it makes me wanna scream. Other autism moms are welcome to tell me what has helped them in the past but those who have never actually RAISED or worked with an autistic child need to shut up.
Thanks Laurie!
I also find that even if parents have autistic children, just how they word things seem to go a long way. For instance, “what worked for us is…” instead of “you should… “. Know what I mean?
Yes! It is so different coming from someone that has been there and they are sharing exactly that, what worked for them.
At least I do not feel alone in how I am. I just wish more people than Ellen would get it.
Everyday life does take more energy, sometimes much more, for special needs parents. The comments are tough on weary ears. We then expend more energy advocating.
I have to remind myself often to choose grace over bitterness. I didn’t know much about special needs before my son was born and may have acted inappropiately unknowingly around others. Fortunately, now I admire special needs parents and their unheralded giant love.
I’ll have to respectfully disagree. Some parents are hard to get along with in general. I think it’s a personality thing. Having a child with a disability may or may not lead one to have bad days which effect others. I think it’s pretty broad to say that we are hard to get along with because of a special needs child. Perhaps this parents was intolerable to begin with and now it’s become more focused because of the child. Now they have a cause that they can attribute their rudeness to.
David, yes, a bad attitude can be a reflection of someone’s character. However, here is an example, I know so many parents that spend hours fighting with insurance, being put on hold, being transferred here or transferred there, all for medical coverage of something their child NEEDS, and even after long hours on the phone (sometimes days) nothing is resolved. (Let’s say the issue is a feeding tube). Imagine that same parent who has been on the phone all day and accomplished nothing, who is concerned about their child’s well being and the need for that g-tube has someone say something like, “You should just try a gluten free diet, I have a friend who did this with their son and it stopped all their issues.” These type of scenarios happen, and unfortunately, sometimes other people give advice like this, not knowing what a g-tube is, or WHY a child would need a g-tube, and you just spend hours fighting with insurance, and there is the underlying worry that your kid is not getting adequate nutrition, and maybe their esophagus is not working properly and swallowing is creating food to go into the lungs, and this is a big deal, but someone suggests you try a gluten free diet? This is why I stress the need for grace, yes, sometimes a well intentioned comment (with lack of background) can get us undone and the ugly comes out. Grace, please extend the grace. It is the same reason I stress that we (as special needs parents) need to extend some grace too, because most comments are done with good intentions, and like I said, you cannot expect someone that has not walked in your shows to understand. Grace goes both ways, and I think we could all use a little bit more grace in life.
I so agree with you, David. Also important for people to really understand what they’re getting into before they go ahead and have children. There is just so much information available about the responsibilities of having children, and disabled children as well, that there’s no excuse for claiming ignorance. When I was in middle school (public) we had to take a class called Personal and Family Living, that covered such things, including sex education and the consequences and responsibilities and realities of having children that you’re not prepared for or are too young to be having.
And spitting? This parent SPITS at people when she’s upset? And then makes the excuse that being a parent of a disabled child is so hard? And then wonders why people don’t want to be around her? Rich.
Oh no! I have never actually “spit” or “barked” at people, and I really, really doubt most people ever do, it is a figure of speech. Now I have snapped at family members because of their well intentioned advice, because they are not here with us to see what we do day to day or the therapies we try. Thank goodness they do extend grace to me and acknowledge that our kids are a precious gift and blessing. Oh we love our kids (all of them, regardless of ability) fiercely! And I do agree with you, having kids is a responsibility and having children should be done with understand that “whatever comes our way we are committed to this child.” Parenting IS hard. Period. Add special needs and you add a few extra challenges. Is it worth it? Absolutely! But that is not what this post is about, actually, I consider our life to be rich and full, would love for you to read this https://www.ellenstumbo.com/special-needs-what-i-see/
Catherine, I am so sorry to hear the intolerance your tone. I hope that my feelings about your comments are wrong! I am a Mom of disabled twins. I am a MOTHER! I waited all my life to have children. You see I am a Breast Cancer Survivor. I had cancer at 26 and a repeat bought at 36, followed by a double mastectomy and chemo. (My doctors modified the chemo I was given because they knew that I wanted children.) You see my road is different from most already. I am married, and God granted me children after my cancer. With ALL of my doctors permissions I was given the go ahead to try to have a child. At 38 I naturally conceived twins. I was thrilled, and yet scared because I was afraid of the extra-extra estrogen that was now in my body. At 15 weeks I developed an infection, and was put on bed rest. I STAYED in bed until the birth of my children 10 weeks later. My sons were micro preemies. I have ALWAYS and will ALWAYS love them protect them and NURTURE them until my DYING breath! Did I expect twins – NO. Did I expect them to be born premature-NO! No one expects to have a disabled child, No one is prepared to have two!!! Yet I plow through the stares, and the rudeness from others. I have taken the hits for my kids and tried to shelter them from the rejection by family members, neighbors and PARENTS of their classmates who don’t want a disabled child in there classroom because their child is BETTER than them. I INSTANTLY became a Stay at Home Mom, and Nurse. I have taken the boys to countless Clinics full of parents and children WAITING Hours to be seen, because we all have a 9:00am appointment all 30 kids with parents waiting in a stuffy room with no room to sit.ks I became the room parent for both kids at school. I , and see what the other kids are doing knowing they are behind. I teach the other kids to read, and help them with there math because I want the other kids to see that my sons have a NORMAL home just like they do!
I know a few people with special needs kids, and I agree with this article. It’s pretty accurate for people with any kind of special needs family member though: declining parent, spouse with a disability, even a kid who has a mild learning disability. People don’t understand that so much of your time is spent managing the issue…and it doesn’t leave a lot of leftover time to just relax or enjoy yourself: what other people call “normal life.”
The unsolicited advice is what puts me over the edge. “have you checked for lyme disease?” If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me that…and we live in a very URBAN area! AUGH!
An inordinate amount of time is spent directly caring for the person with the disability or illness, also, a lot of time is spent on the phone talking with the insurance company, trying to make sure that other things will go smoothly. Things that OTHER PEOPLE don’t have to worry about. It’s sure to take its toll eventually.
If people only understood how much time it takes “in the background” for our family to look “normal” when you see us out at the park or at church or at one of our other kids’ sports games or at grandma’s birthday party….but that’s all they see. A hour of normal here or there every month.
I say, if you’re not offering help, keep your mouth shut and don’t comment or give me any advice.
I enjoyed this very much, it helped me not feel so alone in my one woman battle so to speak. I had an experience recently, traveling to and from Dr’s appointments for my daughter is accomplished through paratransit and/or a CCS authorization for a non-medical gurney van both of which need 24hrs notice at least. The hospital she attended for this outpatient procedure won’t notate in her file that early appointments must be at least 3-4 days in advance. This appointment was on a Wednesday and they would call me with the time of arrival the day before, which usually is around 7pm. I’ve told all the Dr’s and their Nurses about Arianna’s situation. A week before her appointment I called and left messages in surgery, spoke with outpatient that ultimately transfers me to surgery where I can only leave another message. No one ever returned my call. I called again on the previous Monday could only leave messages. Tuesday 10am I reached a PERSON who told me, after I gave her an earful of their lack of professionalism and flagrant disregard for their clients needs, Arianna was to be there @5:30 am, no eating after 8pm the night before. I let her know about the numerous messages and attempts to get the scheduled time beforehand and that this is more than likely not feasible since nobody could do their job and call me with a time 2-3 days ago. Apologies don’t cut it! I called the transportation providers at my disposal no one could make that time. I called her back and requested another time, “11:00” she said. I made the next round of calls waited for return calls, after an hour called them back. Paratransit was able to with a 10:15 pick up and 2;45 return time according to the Nurse that was about the time the procedure would be completed and Arianna could go home. While 2,3,4, and 6 o’clock came and went. Thank goodness my Husband was off that week for vacation and could help with my 2 younger boys after school, which would have otherwise compromised my integrity as a Mother, I imagined CPS.I made sure to vocalize my frustration, towards the end they apologized for long day, By this time I was to tired to be mad. Arianna finally went in @6;30pm finished @ 7:30 Paratransit got us home @8:30pm. I made sure to share Arianna’s campaign and Let the Staff know how much Arianna needs the van, for insances like this one. I always feel I have to be ontop of it all and if nothing works out I feel helpless.
I wish I could write as evocative as you. Thank You for sharing your brokenness.
Oh Brenna, what a nightmare! I am so sorry that this happened. This is what I am talking about, it can be exhausting.
My son is on the Autism spectrum and some days I’m grateful that he and I are both introverts. I wish for a flashing neon sign over my head sometimes and then there are the other days where I feel “I don’t have to explain anything to you – deal with it!” It’s always good to find a middle ground and even better to find a parent that understands
Oh yes, finding someone that gets it is good for the soul!
I am a special needs parent and I am not hard to get along with. I have realized that just because my life seems hard doesn’t give me the right to take it out on others. Plus, being kind and receptive will get you a lot more help from people, which is exactly what we need! Everyone has struggles in their lives. I understand extending grace but I feel this article tries to justify bad behavior and gives all parents of special kiddos a bad name. Count me out.
Angie, I agree, angry advocacy doesn’t get anyone very far and I will be the first one to say kindness gets you a lot farther. But for the purpose of this article and in response to someone actually googling these words, there might be reasons.
For example, about a month ago I spent 7 hours on the phone trying to get help for my middle daughter. Seven hours! I was transferred from facility to facility, from specialist to specialist, I even ended up talking to a hospital talking about hospitalization, my kid needs help! Last call I finally lost it, I was crying on the phone, it was just so frustrating that I could get nowhere! That lady could have thought I was just an over reacting mom, perhaps she thought I was too much, perhaps she thought I needed to calm down. If only she had been sitting with me all morning/afternoon as door after door was closed she would have known why I was so upset. And this, this is what this article is about. (Thankfully, this last lady I spoke to on the phone extended me grace and was compassionate.)
So true, Ellen. I have been told that I’m not peppy enough or enough of a cheerleader at work, when some days all I can do is worry about my daughter’s health, or barely put one foot in front of the other because I was up during the night with her. People have no idea the energy it takes to be always “on” as a special needs parent.
No, they do not. Especially when you are indeed up at night with kids, I have a child that struggles with sleep and I see her sleep pattern directly affect my attitude, patience, and overall “likeability.”
I don’t have a special needs child… And I don’t pretend to “get it”, but I have friends with autistic children (my husband works in an autism resource centre), gastro babies, downs…. I’ll never pretend to understand as deeply as those parents the challenges they face. But one thing I do is make darn well sure I talk to the kids, treat them as the amazing, loving, funny little people they are and always ask (like… Really ask. And mean it. And stick around for the answer) how the parents are doing. I can be sure they know there’s a standing offer for anything they may need.
I just hope it’s enough <3
Hugs to all of you parents of kids with disabilities and challenges we "muggles" can't see… A thousand hugs to you and all the grace and understanding and compassion and love you need. <3
You're all absolutely amazing and it blows my mind how well you handle all those twists and turns in a day. Meltdowns and all, I'm in awe at how amazing you are. I know I'm just a stranger on the Internet, but I hope you can remember that on your bad days… <3
Elise, thank you for taking the time to talk to kids like ours, and to wait for their response, and making sure they know that someone “sees them.” it does make a difference, a huge difference, so thank you!
Dear Ellen,
I’m grateful for your words. You eloquently speak for so many of us. And share such wisdom.
Yes, people who don’t have a child with special needs can’t get it. And nothing can prepare a parent for all the challenges: physical, mental, financial, social, emotional, and spiritual. Even a degree in special education can’t prepare a mom. I know because I’ve been a special educator for over 37 yrs. (before I became a parent of a child with special needs).
Before we started our family, supervisors always rated me extremely high in the area of behavior management (of multi-handicapped children). I even was asked to teach workshops to colleagues.
Our oldest son was born 34 yrs. ago. People commented on what a happy child he was. Life presented the typical challenges of managing an active toddler. Until he went to nursery school.
Chris’s nursery school teacher reported disruptive behavior…behavior she couldn’t manage. After one month, I was told Chris could no longer attend the nursery school. Expelled from nursery school? That was the beginning of our journey with attention deficit hyperactive disorder (ADHD). Back in 1985 most people were unfamiliar with the disorder. Not me. I had professional training and experience with ADHD.
But that training couldn’t prepare my heart for the world’s reaction to Chris. Friends, family members, and strangers offered unsolicited advice on how to handle our son. I thought it quite interesting that strangers presumed to have insight into the situation – without knowing Chris or my background. Everyone’s comments implied that I was inadequate as a mom.
Throughout Chris’s entire school years, every teacher reported that, “Chris has trouble paying attention.” I thought, “Duh!” I was tempted to sarcastically say, “Oh, I hadn’t noticed.”
I’m actually grateful for those early experiences, however. They made me a more compassionate teacher. I knew from experience that parents of special-needs kids have to work harder at parenting. I welcomed their input, knowing they had much to share in developing the best educational program for their child.
By high school Chris had learned to manage his ADHD. But our story didn’t end there. In his junior year, Chris was managing the responsibilities of being a squad leader in his band, while taking several college level AP courses. Then mental illness struck.
Right before Christmas he was out of touch from reality. Rambling. It didn’t help me to know that he was having a psychotic episode (having had a student with schizophrenia). I didn’t know what would become of Chris. He had overcome so much. His life seemed so promising. Then suddenly all dreams were shattered.
No one can possibly understand what my life is like except other moms traveling the same journey.
Yes my life has and is filled with great hardship and heartbreak. But I cherish the moments I’ve witnessed God’s faithfulness and provision.
May God continue to bless your ministry, Ellen.
Vicki
Vicki, thank you so much for sharing your story here. I have a friend who has traveled a similar journey, where people look at her children as “bad” and “disruptive” but ADHD really impacts kids and their families, and there is little compassion as ADHD is “invisible.” Mental illness is quite challenging, and there is such a negative stigma attached to it still.
Yes, Ellen, sadly there is still a stigma associated with mental illness. Which makes it harder for moms raising kids with MI to reach out to others. That’s why I started my blog. To connect with fellow moms, thereby helping us feel less misunderstood and alone.
On a personal level I get the whole invisible illness – I have MS (with invisible symptoms of pain and cognition difficulties).
Feel free to direct your friend to my blog at http://www.mentalillnessmom2mom.net
Continue your good fight advocating for your daughter. You’re not only a new friend, but one of my hero-moms.
Thanks Vicki!
Thank you for sharing. My son is 4 and has severe adhd and communicates at a 2 year old capacity. People often times blame the parents for the child behaviors, but that is so far from the truth. I am a clinician who has worked worked with children for 8 years and all my experience and education didn’t prepare me for my own child.
Sara, I agree, it is much different when it is your own child.
I love your grace and warmth in this post. It’s too easy for us to go defensive momma-bear. I’ve read too many HuffPo blogs where the mom basically says, “if you’d KNOWN what my child’s ALREADY gone through, you’d UNDERSTAND why I’m saying all this. But you don’t understand, so YOU are the mean and rude one.” — and I’ve never found this particularly helpful or kind, even if it is shared a million times, even if their child and mine are dealing with exactly the same circumstances. I find it’s usually only shared to “the choir” so to speak, and it just bolsters my hurt.
I have my bad days, too, but we DO need each other, even if it’s ungraceful and imperfect, even if we offend or say the wrong thing. I need my friends with perfect normal families, too. And they need me. And sometimes my friends with perfect families become friends with special needs kids — and I find myself just as awkward around them as they were around me when “different” hit our family. And I’m so so glad that we’d given each other the grace to be imperfect in our attempts to be caring.
I spend many nights awake thinking about my son and how much joy he has brought me. Aside from wanting him to have all the experiences in life his siblings and school friend’s have (dances, football games, sleepovers etc) I worry about what will happen to him when I leave this earth plain before him.
Eventhough I want to protect him from all the cruel in the world, It’s my responsibility to turn this young boy into the best independent young man he possibly can be. Someday I wil not be here for him. That scares the shit out of me!!
Yes I have snapped. I spent several years fighting for my son to have the services he now has. I snapped at many along the way. Most deserved it. Lol. Some did not…. As parents of special needs children our defenses tend to be “On Call” more than other parents, yes, that Momma Bear Instinct is strong and loud!!!
Jeanine, exactly, we are constantly “on.” My girls are young, but even now I do think of what will become of them when they are older.
Thanks for posting this. My 5 year old is g tube fed and has pdd-nos. we have some rough days here and there mainly because some days I’m tired of going to therapy and sitting around and seeing her little brother get bored. It’s hard when her therapists say she doesn’t seem to be making progress in an area at all. I’m tired of the stares we sometimes get when she has a goofy breakdown and won’t settle down in public to put her coat on. I’m tired when her school aid looks saddened or distant because my daughter doesn’t say goodbye or make eye contact at the end of the school day.
I have a lot of things to be thankful for though: God prepared me before kids for work within the special needs community. I worked in several group homes from age 17-19 and I honestly believe it taught me the patience and compassion that I needed to have a child with different abilities. I’m thankful for her aides that are working so hard at teaching her how to spell her name right consistently, who help her on a weekly basis with speech and writing and daily skills. I’m thankful that everywhere I go, God puts people in my path that have been down the same road or similar, and I’m thankful that poeple around us are very understanding and accepting and ask questions to learn about her feeding pump and teach their kids that my child can participate alongside peers. I’m sorry sometimes that I use the word special needs in reference to my daughter, but I use it lightly. I have much respect for parents who have it harder on a daily basis.
Thanks for posting this, because some days on our way home from a rough day at therapy or after a rough afternoon of homework, I just need to know that someone else understands. 🙂
Yes Joy, you are not alone!
And thank you for sharing about your experiences.
Honestly I know sometimes I snap at people or just ignore them but it’s because it drives me crazy when I see them complain about stupid stuff. The facebook statuses of people saying “this cold will be the death of me I don’t think I’ll survive.” It’s like Um you have the sniffles, my daughter is on the transplant list and in and out of the hospital her entire life.
After a very ‘terse’ phone call with my own mother just now, because I am not full of the joys of spring, and don not have any ‘good news’ to tell her, this rings very true and I just hope I am forgiven by all for not being at the top of my game every day 🙂
As a parent of a special needs child I found this article refreshing and put into perfect perspective. I am glad I am not alone! I find my reserve these days is rather thin as we are exiting the final Senior year and faced with who knows. I find as well that I think some parents are better equipped as long as they have a great support group, family and friends. Our family have always criticized and we were never strict enough,ect. I have also lost friends just by burdening them to my stories of the “fight” for education. At least my hubby and I have stood firm on what we wanted for our son and we have won since he will be graduating! Again thank you for a putting me in a better mood today and I can face whatever is sent my way today!!
Cathi thanks for stopping by! And school, oh school, one of the biggest battles we fight for our kids!
i totally get the feeling alone part and completely misunderstood.. I’m a single parent (no father at all in the picture and no maintenance either) and people in my life don’t expect me to be any less capable than those married and NT kids.. People don’t get the pain, the grief of letting go of our “could-be/would-be” lives. I’m still considered as having more of an earning capacity than the rest because I have a degree in accounting.. I probably do but who is going to raise my special needs child? And my sin is fairly mildly ‘special’. He can communicate to a degree and is in a normal school but at times it feels worse as he LOOKS ‘normal’ so people put it all down to chosen behavior as opposed to meltdowns.. He was suspended this week just gone from His new school I changed him to as they have better facilities for kids on the spectrum but it’s a regular private school and he’s expected to confirm to what they consider appropriate behavior or bottle up his feelings until the end of the day as his way of expressing them doesn’t work for them.. Dealing with the guilt and sadness I have that “our” strategies to “improve” his behavior mean he’s going to have to turn himself almost inside out six to eight hours a day crushes me every waking moment.. How the eff do I have a greater capacity to earn when I feel like crying 90% of the time..