I spoke at a Christian Women’s Conference last weekend. There were more than 600 women in attendance and as statistics would suggest, there were several women who parent kids with disabilities. We connected, we shared, we laughed, we cried together.
Every time I attend a Women’s Conference I walk away thinking, “There should be a workshop in all women’s conferences designed for mothers of kids with disabilities.” I suggested it once to the planning committee of the Women’s Conference in our former district, they said, “Thank you for the offer to speak at our conference, but at this point we do not think there is a need or an audience for that.” I was disappointed and quite honestly angry by their response. To me, it showed how ignorant the church still is when it comes to issues surrounding disability. It also reflects we are not even in their radar.
In my experience, mothers of kids with disabilities are desperate for events where they are spiritually fed in ways that apply directly to the challenges and intricacies of their life. And you know what is available to them? Very little. Often nothing.
Through Rising Above Ministries and Snappin’ Ministries I have participated in a couple of Mother’s Retreats designed for moms of children with disabilities. These retreats are geared specifically for them. It is an opportunity for moms to fill up, rest, and connect.
However, I wonder why it takes a separate event and a specialized ministry to consider and provide for the spiritual needs of moms of kids with disabilities.
When women’s conferences are planned, and workshops organized, why does “saving with coupons,” “fashion” or “creating delicious coffee drinks” take precedence over a workshop designed for moms of kids with disabilities? How can that be considered a greater need?
Or, what about a workshop that addresses mental illness? Because Christian women have mental health issues, too. Yet nobody is talking about it. It stays taboo. And studies suggest parents of kids with disabilities are at a higher risk of developing mental health issues.
What about having a workshop that helps parents of kids with disabilities handle chronic grief, an ongoing crisis, trusting in God in the midst of trials? These topics would benefit other people, too.
This I believe: if women’s conferences make it a priority to reach out to moms of children with disabilities, if they create workshops specifically for their needs, there will be a large number of women signing up. Women who would typically not make the effort to go because finding care for their medically fragile child is hard. Women who would typically find it exhausting to spend a day at a conference and would rather stay home and sleep-in (if it is even a possibility). Women who, perhaps, feel these conferences are not for them.
If you wonder if this is a need, it is.
If you wonder if there is an audience for this, there is.
I dream of a day when attending a women’s conference means there is an opportunity for mothers who parents kids with high needs to belong. A place where they can connect with other Christian women face-to-face. These face-to-face interactions are life giving, important and so needed! Many of us have to find these connections online, and we are desperate to connect face-to-face. We want to be a part of worship, of prayer, of love. And sometimes we especially need compassion.
So, if you are in charge of planning a women’s conference for your church, denomination or organization, please remember the mothers of kids with disabilities. Let your planning be the message that says, “You matter to us.”
Special Needs Parents, Are You Surviving?
I created a guide with 13 practical ways to help you find peace in the midst of chaos, opt in to make sure you get a copy of this freebie!
Yes! I think sometimes we are off the radar because it can be so hard to attend. Part of the broader issue, a church not recognizing the need to reach out to those with disabilities and their families … and assume we’re not out there. We become marginalized when we need it the most.
I think it would be refreshing, to be able to be that advocate for your child and family without loosing who you are as; women,mom,wife,friend to others and yourself and not loosing your christianity in the process. Which can bring on bitterness, frustration,non forgiveness and so forth.
Wendy, I agree with you, we need it, and by not being recognized we become marginalized and isolated int he place where we should be embraced and included.
As a parent and caregiver for three adult children and another family member with disabilities, I agree with what you have written. Two years ago we left a church we had been members of for 29 years because one of our sons was no longer welcome because of his disabilities. Our new church home has been welcoming and supportive – they are wanting to understand and be supportive when needed. I would suggest that “caregiver” as a topic might be a way of getting people to attend a workshop or trying to get a workshop included in a conference. Parents are caregivers who will most likely have a long term caregiving role, who are alone with the grief of milestones lost in their children’s lives. I think, ptsd can be added to caregivers who experience this when dealing with behaviors and other traumatic stress related issues.
I raised three (foster) kids with special needs and would have loved a conference like that. But I couldn’t have been away from home for more than a day unless care for the kids had been provided, and providing care for lots of kids with special needs would be difficult for people planning conferences to figure out. Any suggestions?
I believe I went to a “Hearts at Home” conference several years ago and there were several workshops for mom’s of children with disabilities. Ironically, I’ve never attended another because it doesn’t work for me to be away overnight. I arrived home after being at this conference, away for about 28 hours, and my daughter was still in her clothes from the day I left. Despite all my arrangements, lists, and notes, several basic caregiving elements had been overlooked. hmmmm
Agreed…our kids fall through so many cracks, and so do we, and I don’t have time for organizations that don’t see me and my family.
Creating a religious school that is truly disability-inclusive is a huge issue. For example, my synagogue actually has a “disability specialist” who has told me point-blank that her expertise is learning difficulties, and that she doesn’t really know what to do with my child on the Spectrum. My child is getting by in Hebrew School only because a clergy (our Cantor) has taken him under her wing and spends an hour or so of Hebrew School time each week, talking about the history and issues that are his passion, rather than focusing on the prayers, which right now are inaccessible to his black-and-white Asperger’s brain, which is having trouble with the richness and symbolism of religion.
If a Jewish Women’s gathering actually had a track that recognized my family needs, then I would make an effort to be there. When they don’t, I don’t arrange the coverage to be there, and remain invisible to them.
My well-known university has a Reunions Weekend that includes a wide range of faculty and alumni panels. A few years ago, they had one on parenting children with physical and mental disabilities, to a room that was absolutely packed with parents finally given a space to talk about their struggles, rather than brag about their children’s college acceptances and awards. It was a transformational event, but I don’t believe it has become a standard yearly offering.
I read this article and so agree we need to have a special ministry workshop for women with disabled kids and for disabled adults still living in the home and for women who are caring for their disabled parent(s). I so tune in to my God and carry on conversations with my Lord daily but when the road is so challenged daily, I am thankful for friends at my sports club who share in my struggles to the point of wanting to start a support group for parent(s) with disabled adults so we can maybe pool resources together and build a group home specifically to cater to our disabled, functioning, adults.
How do I start it? If I got twins with disabilities when do I start?
Rita, Rising Above Ministries (I linked to them in this piece) is a great resource if you wanted to make something happen. Jeff and Becky Davidson are FANTASTIC!
I think that is an excellent idea. I am a mom of a daughter with special needs. Yes, the church needs to grow in many areas. Years ago I decided woman’s conferences were not for me. So I don’t go and I don’t miss anything. I’m content to stay home. I’m an introvert. But
My daughter seems so happy when she’s gets out of the house. I think she’s an extrovert.
I have wondered about this too. I am a pastor, speaker, writer and have children who battle mental and physical illnesses. After giving talks and doing workshops on parenting, I felt burdened to create one for parents with a child facing chronic illness. Suddenly, two years ago, as our denominational women’s conference approached, someone asked me if I would do a workshop. Although I had not yet put the workshop together, I felt God leading me to commit to it. Risky….But I trusted God and it came together quickly. Hoping that I would get a few women, I was shocked when I had 40! Clearly, many are feeling the isolation on this journey. Support from the church is lacking. I have since lead it again. Hearing perspectives from other cultural narratives about parenting special needs kids has also been enlightening. So glad for your voice on this important topic!
Yes! Yes! Yes! I have been saying this for years. I attended a mom’s conference years ago and was delighted to see there was a workshop for moms with special needs kiddos. I went thinking, “Finally, I can get recharged with a group of moms that get it.” The workshop was very disappointing, however. It addressed some how to’s on getting your kid ready for school and camps in the area. I wanted and needed so much more!!! I wanted to be reminded (and wanted the other moms to know) that our kids were made in God’s image, they have a purpose in this world and that we as moms are loved by a good Heavenly Father. Please continue to pursue this dream! We need it!